Sam and the Stranger

By Jerry Mack Grubbs
 
As I walked back to my office from a nearby park, I passed the Sugarhouse Boys & Girls Club where a group of young boys were playing behind a chain link fence. One of the boys called out, "Hey, what's your name?" I turned to see a rosy-cheeked little boy with a big smile on his face. I said, "My name is Jerry, what's your name?" Before he could respond, another boy about the same age grabbed him and said, "Stop talking to strangers." Ignoring the comment of other boy he said to me, "My name is Sam." Turning back to his friend he said, "He's not a stranger, his name is Jerry." Then calling out to me again Sam asked, "You're not a stranger, are you?" "I am a stranger to you because we don't know each other yet," I said. As I turned and continued to walk down the street, I could hear Sam's friend scolding him for telling a stranger his name.

Strangers are just friends I haven't met yet is a quote attributed to Will Rogers. To view everyone as a potential future friend is certainly a positive outlook on life. A friend is someone we would never intentionally wound. A friend is someone we would stop and allow into slow moving traffic. A friend is someone we would never speak despairingly about. The list could go on and on but I think you understand my train of thought.

Sam had been taught the right message. From behind a chain link fence with his adult supervisor standing nearby, Sam could see the world as a safe place. His playmate focused on the specific rule…don't talk to strangers. Through the safety of the fence, Sam saw a stranger as a possible future friend. His playground buddy saw a stranger as a potential danger regardless of the protective fence. Which of the two boys had the right perspective depends entirely on who the stranger was. It is sad that we live in a world where we need to teach our children to fear strangers. But it is the world we live in and strangers mistreat unsuspecting children every day. But it isn't just strangers who mistreat children. Some children are mistreated by those who should be their greatest protectors.

I grew up thinking that the world was a safe place. I don't remember my parents cautioning me to avoid strangers. We left our home unlocked when we went on vacation and told the neighbors to just toss the mail in on the kitchen floor. We didn't lock our car doors at home or when we went to the store. Our outside storage shed was never locked. Mother tells the story that the only time she recalls having something taken from our home was when my brother and sister (twins) had their baby clothes stolen from the clothesline. Mother simply said, "To steal baby clothes, their need must have been greater than ours." Life went on and we grew up not fearing the world.

As kids, I remember riding our bikes thirty miles to our grandparents home. On those winding backcountry roads we must have passed dozens of those strangers, friends we hadn't met yet. We played in the backwoods for hours on end without being checked up on by worried adults. We were turned loose at the county fair with a few dollars in our pockets to enjoy the rides and experience the thrills until the carnival closed for the night. It never crossed our minds that someone was lurking behind a vehicle or hiding in a darkened corner to reach out and forever destroy our feeling of safety and security.

Sam, my little talkative friend, didn't remind me of myself as a child, but he did remind me of my brother. I was much shyer than my brother but I didn't fear strangers. My fear was of the dark and no one had to teach me that. My imagination could run wild in the dark. At night I wanted to sleep with the light on but my mother always said no. With her helpful suggestions, I gradually gave away my fear of the dark.

I wish that our children didn't have to be taught to fear strangers. I wish that all those fears were just imagined and could be given away as I gave away my fear of the dark. Sadly, that is not the case. There is danger in the world and we have a responsibility to teach our children to be observant of their surroundings and what action they should take when necessary. Our challenge is to teach our children to be safe while at the same time instilling within them that the world itself is not a dangerous place. Danger is not lurking around every dark corner. No boogey men ever grabbed me as I made my way from our home to the outhouse and back again. It wasn't because I outran them. It was because the boogey men only existed in my imagination.

We can't eliminate all the dangerous men in the world but as adults we can make the world a better place by adopting the philosophy of Will Rogers. Imagine a world where every stranger is just a friend we haven't met yet. Imagine a world where children can run barefoot and free all day long without worry that some stranger will harm them. Imagine a world where there are no real boogey men. Until our imagination is reality and all the boogey men are gone, we must vigilantly teach our children of the potential danger of strangers.

The shaping of a child's view of the world is one of our most sacred stewardships. Thank you Sam for that little reminder of what the world was like when I grew up. I miss that world but I can only turn back the pages of time in my memory.