A Soft Presence

By Jerry Mack Grubbs

Taking the stairs two at a time I sidestepped around a middle aged woman as I made my way up the stairwell to level 5 of the parking lot. As I climbed the stairs above her, I looked back and saw that her blonde hair revealed graying roots. There was a bounce in my step. My youthful exuberance was from holding my newest grandson Campbell as I visited with his parents at the hospital. Just as I opened the door to exit the stairwell I looked back and the lady I had passed was lumbering up the last flight of stairs not far behind me. I decided to wait and hold the door for her. She looked up and smiled a thank you as she passed through the doorway.

As the door began to close I glanced back into the stairwell and suddenly an old familiar feeling gripped me. I felt the presence of an unseen person in that stairwell. I have experienced similar feelings in the past; of sensing the presence of someone who I could not see. The feeling is usually the same. I am emotionally drawn to her and I want to protect her and keep her from harm. Who is this person? Where is this feeling coming from? Why am I so concerned about her safety? She isn’t my mother, my wife, my daughters, or my daughters-in-law. She is apart from them but I have an emotional attachment to her. As I try to put definition on those emotions I can’t even decide whether I feel responsible for her or responsible to her.

I hope that someday I will understand these feelings. I know there is someone lingering near me, reaching out to me. It isn’t a ghost but a soft presence of someone near. It is like my heart knows more than my brain and my heart isn’t willing to tell my brain who is standing there and what it all means. Although this experience has repeated itself on other occasions, prior to today my most recent feeling that her soft presence was near me came in September of last year. While my wife and I were having dinner at the home of friends I felt this lady standing right next to my chair.

Some would say that I am crazy, that it is all a figment of my imagination. Maybe it is my imagination and maybe it isn’t. But to me she is real and I look forward to understanding the meaning of it all. I know a little more than I am telling but not much more; not enough for you to make any sense out of what floods over me when I feel her soft presence near me.

I have heard stories of other people having similar experiences when they have lost a loved one through accident or illness. These people often struggle in frustration as they strive to put into words that a soft presence was felt and a comforting feeling was experienced. I have never felt that my experiences are coming form someone deceased nor have I thought that this soft presence I feel near me is trying to bring me a message from beyond this world. She is just there . . . unseen but felt. And the feeling remains with me for days and I want to hold her, shield her and protect her from anyone who would harm her in any way. She was in the parking lot stairwell today. Why? I do not know. But I was flooded with warmth by her soft presence.