Eighty Proof

By Jerry Mack Grubbs

Dinner was at a restaurant specializing in barbequed ribs. We ate with our fingers and laughed about the people around us who were trying to eat their plate of ribs with a knife and fork. The meal was delicious and the atmosphere softly lit. Our waitress was pleasant as she presented us with the bill and thanked us for our patronage.

We argued over who would pay the bill. Although I had been invited to dinner, I wanted to pay my own way in this world of business. Should I decide to reject the services of the company she represented I didn’t want the slightest string of obligation to tangle me up. Plus it felt strange having a woman pay for my dinner. We tussled over the bill until I suggested a solution I thought would be fair and agreeable. “How about we toss a coin to determine who pays?” I said. Without hesitation I withdrew a dime from my pocket and said, “I’ll toss, you call.” She called heads. That wasn’t what I wanted to hear so I quickly said, “Heads I buy, tails, you buy.” She agreed. Since my coin was a two headed dime that I carried for just such occasions, she lost the toss. I paid the dinner bill and we headed for the restaurant parking lot.

I walked her to her car and opened the door for her. We said our goodbyes and I proceeded to my rental car. As I slid into the seat and was about to close the door I saw her walking back toward me. She must have forgotten something she wanted to tell me. She stepped between me and the open car door. Before I realized what she was doing, she leaned over and planted a kiss on my lips. I was surprised and startled by her action. She withdrew before I had time to react. Without saying a word she tossed a motel key on my lap and walked back to her own car.

I grew up in the south where gals mature early and guys are said to be slow on the uptake but I knew what she was suggesting. I studied the plastic tag attached to the key and realized she was staying at the same motel where I was registered. I wondered if that was a coincidence. She hadn’t even given me a chance to say something polite like thanks but no thanks. Upon returning to the motel, I left her room key with the clerk sitting behind the desk. He asked no questions and I volunteered no answers.

Just before eleven o’clock a knock came on my motel door. When I opened the door she was standing there in a silk or satin dress. I’m not an expert on fabric. But it was apparent she wore no supporting equipment beneath her dress. “May I come in?” she asked. She had a bottle of alcohol in her hand. In her other hand she held two tiny glasses. In the western movies I grew up watching, they were called shot glasses. I stood in the doorway blocking the entrance or I think she would have come into the room like she was expected. Sensing that the evening wasn’t going the way she had played it out in her mind, she reached out her hand in an attempt to hand me the bottle. I didn’t accept the gift. She said, “A friend suggested you could use a taste of what the world has to offer.” “I’ve never tasted alcohol in my life. I’ve always wanted to remember what I did. I hear you are responsible for what you do, drunk or sober,” I said. She stepped forward to kiss me once more but I was better prepared. I placed my hand on her shoulder stopping her forward movement and said, “No thank you.” She placed the bottle on a small shelf just inside the door and said, “If you change your mind drop by anytime.” With that comment she tossed her room key down by the bottle and walked away. I closed the door, slid the security lock in place and returned to the project notes I was working on.

The next morning I gathered up my belongings and prepared to check out of my motel room. I picked up the bottle. The label said Crown Royal, Blended Canadian Whiskey, 80 Proof. Now what was a boy from Texas who had never tasted alcohol going to do with a bottle of 80 proof whiskey? I kept it as a reminder of that world I had never tasted.

Six months later while sitting in an airport waiting for my flight to be called, a lady sat down next to me. As I looked over she said, “Do you remember me?” How could I ever forget her! “I still have the bottle of whiskey you gave me,” I said. We talked like old friends. She shared what was going on in her life at that time. She talked of the motivating forces behind her actions that night at dinner and later at the motel. She apologized. I accepted her apology. We gave one another a polite hug and prepared to go our separate ways with no intention of ever seeing one another again. Then we realized we were booked on the same flight. I was headed for Salt Lake City. She had a stop over in Salt Lake then the flight would carry her on to Billings, Montana.

On the flight we sat together and talked about our families and how our lives intersected. As the plane pulled into the terminal gate at Salt Lake, she wrote her phone number and address on a slip of paper and said, “Keep in touch.” As an after thought she said, “By the way, that blue dress was silk. I don’t suppose it would have made a difference if the dress had been satin” I just smiled. As I walked through the terminal to retrieve my luggage, I slipped the piece of paper containing her phone number and address into a waste can. I never saw her again but I have held on to the bottle of 80 proof . . . the cap is still sealed. The world might say I missed a great opportunity to get lucky. Luck had nothing to do with it. It was all about choice. There are some things in this world I don’t need to taste.

Prior to elevating me to sainthood over turning down an evening with an attractive woman and a bottle of 80 proof that would give me a taste of what the world has to offer, you should know that there are other things in my life that I have tasted. But you will only discover those shortcomings and weaknesses in the unabridged version of this article. I’ve rarely turned down coconut cream pie, homemade ice cream, cashew nuts, an opportunity to go flying, or sitting by a campfire watching the flicker of the flames with someone who cares.